I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
