I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
