honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
