You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm just crazy horny about you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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