can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
