i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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