my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
