so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
