I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
