Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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