i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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