whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
