this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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