there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
