Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
