smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
