I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have demons in me.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I just put wine in my tea
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
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