walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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