I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
