Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
