Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
