Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
