Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
