I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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