Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
