i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
