i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
