He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
