Fuck appropriateness.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
