just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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