shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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