i permit you to call me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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