what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
