So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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