omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
