I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
