And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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