You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
