forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
