I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
