oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
