you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
