The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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