so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
