you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
