do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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