i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
