Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
