I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
