I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
