Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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