I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
