Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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