she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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