TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
