That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
