i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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