But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
