So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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