he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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